I've never been much of an indecisive person. I usually know what I want and I act accordingly. I've always been a pretty practical person, which I guess is what helped me be confident in the whole decision making realm.
Until I had a baby.
A real human-completely and utterly (ha-get the pun?-udders-TMI?) dependent on me. For life, for food, for protection. Suddenly, making decisions has become this internal crisis of right and wrong bouncing around in my head all day long. And it's not just about baby. It's like I've completely lost my ability to make sound decisions in all departments. I stand in the grocery store aisle far too long deciding on which cereal or which tooth paste to get.
Don't get me wrong, decisions concerning baby are probably the toughest. It took me weeks to finally decide what kind of high chair to get, until we finally decided on one of those sweet "futuristic ones". I mean, this is the seat that we are going to spoon feed our kid mush to, as he throws Cheerios and peas onto the floor. Is it really that big of a deal? And don't even get me started on how long it took me to decide on an umbrella stroller...or how many I purchased.. and subsequently returned. Of course I know these decisions are more futile and don't actually matter in the long run, but the serious ones keep me up at night, too. Like, am I really going to be ruining my baby's life if I sing and rock my baby to sleep, as opposed to making him scream his head off for 1.5 hours until he conks out because of pure exhaustion and defeat? Or, if I respond to my babies cries am I actually creating a monster? Seriously! Sometimes I feel like today's society is trying to turn babies into accessories that shouldn't impose or altar our lifestyles at all. Babies are babies! They need to be nurtured, they need to be held, and they need someone to wipe that nasty drool off their fat rolls.
With all the baby books and methods circulating in our culture, it's no wonder why minor decisions have become more like life-changing debacles. The abundance of knowledge through internet and books about taking care of these tiny human beings makes being a parent so intimidating and second-guessing-full. It's like we've convinced ourselves that parenting is not inherent and natural. Why have we abandoned our intuition? Why have I abandoned my intuition? I need to stop worrying about what Dr. Sears would do, or how much that Baby Wise guy would hate me. I have got to stop searching the internet for all the nitty gritty answers and how to make the "best" decisions. I need to chill out and listen to my intuition more.
Now, excuse me while I go google 4 month sleep regression and baby teething.